CoffeeBeanShop

The Bean Counter

by Linda Courtland (bio at end of story)

When I returned home this afternoon, an extra sixteen coffee beans had shown up in my shoebox. I know for a fact that upon my departure, I was down to a mere 769. I would have had 912, but I've been entertaining a lot lately.

I peek inside the shoebox again. Sure enough, 785! My Momma used to say it's a gift - my ability to count things at a glance. She said that it was God's way of saying sorry for the strange shape he made my head. Other people aren't so kind. They call me a freak or exploit my God-given talent by dragging me to contests all over town to tell them how many jelly beans are in the big glass jar. I don't let them know what I can do anymore. Some things are better left unsaid.

I wish I could figure out the coffee bean conundrum, but it's time to do my daily chores. I'm already two minutes behind schedule. I'll have to deduct that time from my rest period so I'll be back on track in time to watch "Blind Date". It's my favorite show.

Sometimes the pretty new neighbor girl comes over to watch it with me. At first, I wished that she would just stay home. I had to adjust everything to fit her in. She didn't always leave right when the show was over. I got used to it though, and now I kind of like her company. She usually brings a pack of Oreo's or Lorna Doone's to share with me so, of course, I feel obliged to offer her some coffee. It's the only thing I have.

At first, this additional pot of coffee (or two!) was creating quite a financial strain. Luckily I was able to increase my entertainment budget by temporarily restricting my use of the houndstooth suit I bought at Salvation Army - it's Dry Clean Only. True, I don't look nearly as dashing in casual cotton/polyester blends, but it's very important to be a good host, and this girl didn't seem to be stopping her visits anytime soon.

I'm surprised to feel a little disappointed when the opening credits are over and she still hasn't shown up. She says that the theme song is the very best part of the program. If I could play an instrument, I would learn that song and play it for her all the time. When she smiles, her face scrunches up like one of those little dried apple heads. It's a hideous sight, but I like it anyway. Her happiness is comforting, somehow.

She waltzes in halfway through the second date. Excited, I realize that these visits have become the highlight of my day. I offer her some coffee and she starts yammering about her life. I want to tell her about the mystery of the multiplying beans, but that would mean divulging my secret counting talent. Really, how else would I have noticed? I finally decide to trust her, but it's too late -- she is busy having a heated conversation with herself. She does that sometimes. I'm not the only one in this tenement who lives off a State Disability check.

My dreams that night are filled with images of Robin Hood and his Merry Men. They appear to be debating political issues at the local coffeehouse, and Friar Tuck's writing a Hollywood screenplay on his laptop. Of course, it's all just a front. As soon as the counter help is distracted, Robin Hood helps himself to several heaping handfuls of freshly roasted beans. The troop makes a clean getaway and hightails it over to my house where they dole out one share. Though the window, they see me returning from my morning walk and quickly dash right out the door.

I wake up distressed, and decide to break my morning routine for the first time in five years. Although I'm grateful to Robin Hood for sharing his riches with me, deep down I know it's wrong to steal. I plan to thank Mr. Hood, then tell him that I can no longer accept his lifted loot.

Now, I'm no fool. I know that Robin Hood has eluded capture for so long because he's careful to avoid detection. So, I laid a trap. I left my apartment at the usual time and began my morning trek. Once out of sight of the building, I doubled back and snuck up the rear staircase. I hid behind the trash chute and laid in wait.

Robin Hood never showed. I was just about to give up when the pretty new neighbor girl started picking my lock. She was inside in under a minute. I was outraged. It's very bad manners to break into someone's home.

I marched straight through the door and found her in the kitchenette. She didn't see me at first, and when I sternly demanded an explanation, she jumped. A handful of coffee beans clattered guiltily onto the floor.

"How could you steal my coffee?" I asked, "I thought we were friends." A tear rolled down her cheek and she stammered out the truth: "I didn't want to insult you, but I know how hard it is to make ends meet. I was afraid that if you ran out of coffee too quick, you wouldn't let me come over anymore. I wasn't stealing from you -- I was just bringing my share."

We moved in together two months later. Now that we share living expenses, I can afford all the coffee I want. We drink it together every day while we watch all the different dating shows on our new cable tv. My Momma always told me that love made life richer, and I have to agree. My freshly pressed houndstooth suit is going to look great in the wedding pictures.

© Linda Courtland. All Rights Reserved.

Bonus Winner - The Bean Counter by Linda Courtland

Linda Courtland provided case management services to chronically mentally ill and developmentally disabled adults for many years. Between crisis calls, Linda freelanced as a mystery shopper, conducting covert evaluations of retail stores and restaurants.

"How to Get Paid to Shop and Dine Undercover! The Insider's Guide to Making Money as a Mystery Shopper" is Linda's first book. Linda also writes a free weekly email newsletter that contains valuable information about free and low-cost resources for people recovering from trauma, abuse, illness or addiction.

Editor's Note: "Bean Counter" was chosen for the first round for the following reasons: Curious title, with a strong opening paragraph exhibiting signs of the character's obsessive-compulsive behavior. This was a hook for us. The second paragraph tells us even more about the character, and adds tension to the story - exactly what will happen here? We're off and running by now... Excellent writing, correct punctuation, no spelling errors. Consistent tone throughout the story, with a super-authentic voice. When we received the author's bio, we understood the connection between the writing and the writer. The story was a walk on the razor edge of the mind, a place of startling invitations. Entertaining, yes - also an easy read and a wonderful angle on the theme.

Back To Top